You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
