how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
