I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
