i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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