My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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