I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
