I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he fucked my hip out of place.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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