What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
