Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
