And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
