Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
