can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
