shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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