Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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