On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
