do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
