they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
