Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
