my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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