so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
