Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
