theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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