There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
