dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
