I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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