Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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