According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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