i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
