you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Randomize
