Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
