dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
