my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she looked like the before picture.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
