Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
