some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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