just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
