Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
