You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
