I didn't shave. On purpose
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
