So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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