garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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