Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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