Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So. Much. Porn.
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