Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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