hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.