Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
