Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
