I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
