You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
