At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
