I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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