RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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