this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
