you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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