i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm really busy with my period
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