you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
