my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This baby is an asshole
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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