my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
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