Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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