U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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