Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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