We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS