She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition