I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
