Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to

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  (413): I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to http://tfl.nu/oas5
  Replies (1) Good night (895) Bad night (997)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.

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  (709): just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq. http://tfl.nu/wl24
  Replies (16) Good night (5075) Bad night (739)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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  (248): the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it. http://tfl.nu/bv5q
  Replies (15) Good night (2909) Bad night (1001)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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  (810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph
  Replies (29) Good night (4465) Bad night (732)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup

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  (413): theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup http://tfl.nu/8gp9
  Replies (12) Good night (697) Bad night (2749)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide

  (231): View more from Michigan

  please tell me this is not legit

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  (231): I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide (231): please tell me this is not legit http://tfl.nu/bait
  Replies (33) Good night (5775) Bad night (839)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?

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  (203): What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face? http://tfl.nu/dot3
  Replies (57) Good night (4224) Bad night (1786)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.

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  (613): Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/rte8
  Replies (1) Good night (2929) Bad night (1123)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.

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  (440): Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways. http://tfl.nu/jmoy
  Replies (3) Good night (2797) Bad night (844)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.

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  (519): There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway. http://tfl.nu/ij44
  Replies (10) Good night (1894) Bad night (785)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet

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  (321): He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet http://tfl.nu/nzlh
  Replies (3) Good night (841) Bad night (636)
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  (415): View more from California

  If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning

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  (415): If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning http://tfl.nu/qp15
  Replies (0) Good night (869) Bad night (337)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?

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  (330): Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn? http://tfl.nu/96yy
  Replies (7) Good night (514) Bad night (505)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.

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  (360): Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface. http://tfl.nu/uo9f
  Replies (0) Good night (246) Bad night (547)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...

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  (651): They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times... http://tfl.nu/mx07
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (232)

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