speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.