did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!