Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub