Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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