then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.