dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
