tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
