I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
