You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
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Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.