I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.