dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now