the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
