Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
