Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
